No more conspiracy theories!

I’m sick of your conspiracy theories. They are not rigging the Iowa caucuses. Shadow, Inc. is an excellent name for an election app. Jeffery Epstein committed suicide. Barack Obama campaigned on hope and change and worked hard for hope and change but was blocked by evil Republicans. Private health insurance works well and Americans love the access to the choice of potentially affordable plans with deductibles within the credit limits of their credit cards along with a second mortgage on a house they don’t have — all this they have available to them through the aptly named Affordable Care Act. The Patriot Act is about patriotism. Gun control and abortion, right? Am I right? Mayor Pete does not look like the kid in the Munsters. Guantanamo bay is not really in Cuba but is part of the US. Edward Snowden and Julian Assange are simply bad. Nancy Pelosi just ripped that speech right up! Bloomberg’s tax returns would not be as interesting as Trump’s. Martin Luther King wanted everyone judged by the quality of their character, not the color of their skin, and the police of the United States do that very well. If you can’t pay your student debt, you should have studied plumbing, accounting, and started a hedge fund. The KKK were racist but now their gone and that problem is solved. In the USSR olive oil was unavailable. Drone strike! The Russians did something to put Trump in office. Ruth Ginsberg is amazing. Hillary got 10 million more votes than Bernie in 2016. Charter schools and teacher’s unions forever! Bernie Sanders is old, white and not a socialist but a communist who said something about rape fantasies in 1972 and if you nominate him non-voters won’t show up — did they show up to caucus for two hours by signing up with a party they hate? No! So they also won’t ever vote. Lee Harvey Oswald shot JFK and that’s it. Pizzagate was debunked by the New York Times. The Iranians held the American hostages until after the 1980 election because they didn’t want the spare parts for their American made military equipment that Jimmy Carter offered them in October 1980. Suffragettes, take that, you racist assholes. Putin is macho. The North Vietnamese was a Soviet puppet state… or maybe Chinese when the USSR and China were almost at war with each other, but one or the other. Michelle Obama is a bad ass! Saddam Hussein was not a good president of Iraq at all and needed to be hung from the neck by a screaming disorderly crowd of his enemies, including Iranian agents, and that was a good value for 1 trillion US tax dollars. Seth Rich supported Hillary Clinton. The King of Saudi Arabia is better than whatever other leader might be in the country cutting up journalists with a buzz saw. Gaddafi was a terrorist! Israel and America are allies for a really good reason. If we raised the minimum wage, there would be fewer jobs that don’t pay enough to survive. Why all the crazy talk? Don’t you know about the separation of powers in the constitution? That’s just your white privilege — drone strike more Somalis already — Trump is your fault.

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